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Common Experiences of Battered Women

Trauma
Battered women often experience both physical and emotional trauma. They may experience an unexpected or sudden physical assault that is traumatizing, or an emotional attack that is jarring to their physical well-being.

Fear & Terror
Being fearful is a way of life for a battered woman. She is frequently on guard and on the lookout for what is going to happen next. It may be sufficient for her to accomplish ordinary and routine tasks due to ongoing feelings of fear. Threats are often part of a battered woman’s experience and these are used to both terrify and control her. Fear and terror are manifested in many different ways.

Shame
Battered women regularly feel shame about the abuse in some way, as at some level they believe they should be able to control or prevent it. It seems that the great majority of victims of violent and abusive acts feel some degree of responsibility for the abuse. This is particularly true of partner abuse because women are so often held responsible in our culture for making relationships work. Since shame becomes such an integral part of our being, battered women often see themselves as bad or negative people who are not worthwhile.

Anger & Rage
Battered women are angry and sometimes full of rage at their abusive partners. They can also be angry at themselves for whatever they perceive they have done to “allow the abuse.” Since anger is often seen as an unbecoming or suspicious label for women, they will frequently try to prevent their anger from showing.

Fear of Loneliness
Undoubtedly, the fear of loneliness has to be one of the greatest human fears. It looms large for battered women. Many battered women have a difficult time imagining themselves alone and without a partner. They are often so fused to their partner(s) that they can see no other way of life. Tolerating and worrying around the abuse is far easier for them than the thought of being alone.

Confusion
Almost all battered women talk about the confusion they feel. Confusion is inevitable in an abusive relationship. Battered women have significant issues about whether or not they are crazy. They feel crazy and abusive partners tell them they are crazy. This causes confusion for the battered women. A battered woman has a great deal to sort out. She has many important and difficult decisions to make. She may be getting conflicting advice from different people. She is trying to figure out what is causing the abuse. At the very least, she feels confused about how much responsibility she has for the abuse and about the many messages she is getting.

Isolation
Isolation is a common experience for battered women. The isolation is created by the abuser in a very subtle manner and over time. It contributes to the down ward spiral of a battered woman’s self-esteem because she has limited or no interaction to validate her worth as a person.

Depression
Depression and abuse go hand in hand for many battered women. Day in and day out, battered women experience a loss of control as their abuser holds the power and control over them, which results in oppression. Oppression also leads to a lack of self-worth, which again causes/leads to depression.

Minimization
Minimization is a common characteristic or defense mechanism for battered women. If a woman can convince herself that things are “not that bad,” she can live with the abuse more easily. Minimizing comes in many sizes and shapes and can be a dangerous way of dealing with abuse. It is difficult for some women to look at the reality of their abusive experiences; minimizing the abuse helps them avoid reality.

Sadness
Abuse of any kind causes many women to feel sad. This sadness often overwhelms them and wears away at their self-esteem. They can barely talk about the abuse without tearing up or crying. They are frequently forgiving of their abuser at times that may be inappropriate for their own emotional or physical safety.

Post-traumatic Stress Symptoms
Post-traumatic stress is a reaction to an experience outside the normal range. It is often associated with the reactions of combat veterans. It is also associated with the reactions of battered women. Post-traumatic stress is accompanied by feelings of hopelessness, loss of self-esteem, psychic numbing, memory loss, anxiety attacks, and frequent illness.

Grief and Loss
Grief is a normal response when there has been a loss. For battered women, the loss is often the dream of the relationship and a happy future with their partner. The abused person may experience multiple losses at the same time. She/he may be losing their sense of self while losing their partner’s good will. In addition to these losses, some concrete losses, such as home, financial security, job, and custody of children, friends, and personal items of sentimental value may also be affected.